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Resetting when you fall off

It happens. You’re doing well. You’re on track. Your numbers are good, then life happens. Work changes. Your city freezes for a week. You run out of meds. Your delivery apps get too much use. Everything you’ve worked for changes.

Welcome back for another season! I’m excited to share some personal updates. Even more exciting? You’re getting TWO episodes per week. That’s right! Every Tuesday you’ll get solo Hindsight talks with me. On Thursdays, we’ll chat things up with a special guest.

The Red Table Talk for Diabetics is back yall!

KEY POINTS

  • Updated numbers
  • My medical team additions
  • Things I’m doing to move forward

Find more at www.healinginhindsight.com

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Healing in Hindsight™ is managed by host Taylor Daniele™ and Produced by We Are 8 Studios

Transcript
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Hey guys, it's season three.

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Can you believe it?

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Can you believe it?

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I can't believe it.

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Honestly.

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I'll be honest.

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I was very, very nervous about podcasting in general.

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I'm about putting this out there in general and it was.

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And honestly, it feels good to be doing season three.

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I feel like this is just an ongoing process and continuing

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to get better as I go through it.

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As you can see, I'm keeping up with the video.

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What's up guys.

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If you're watching, I really do feel like I'm able to convey a lot more if

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you could actually see me, but not to worry, you'll also be able to hear me.

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If you're out on the walk, driving in your car.

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Or just doing something we're paying attention to a screen

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it's just not possible.

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So either way, I'm really glad to be back.

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I've got a lot of catching up to do got a lot of things to share.

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There is so much that I really want to talk to you guys about, but first

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things, first, couple of updates that I will share with you guys.

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And then just kind of going into how I feel about moving

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forward with some things.

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So stay tuned.

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And, you know, hang out.

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Hopefully I share some things that are insightful and, you know, helpful.

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Let's do it.

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Welcome back if you are new here.

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Hi, my name is Taylor, Danielle host and owner here of healing in hindsight.

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Welcome aboard.

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If you have been listening for a while, welcome back.

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I'm excited for you guys to be here.

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To just catch up and all of the cool things that are coming the season, I've

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got some great guests lined up, but also some changes to the show as well.

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You're not only going to get one episode, but two episodes per week.

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I know, I know that seems like a lot.

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And, you know, I thought really hard about it and I really just felt that.

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I didn't get a lot of time with you guys, honestly, because I

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truly loved perspective and kind of allowed the guest episodes to take

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over most of the seasons sometimes.

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So to even things out you're going to get so up facades for me every Tuesday and

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then guest episodes on our usual Thursday.

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So I got a lot more to share with you guys and just, you know, keep

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track of my journey and the things that I'm learning and feel that, you

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know, might be helpful for you too.

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But.

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Don't want to lose those cool perspectives and awesome people

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that I'm meeting along the way.

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So with that being said, let's just start with some updates.

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I've recently gotten all of my doctor's stuff done just in time to keep you

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guys updated on what's going on now.

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I'm sure you saw the theme of the episode it's resetting when you've fallen

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off, you know, trying to get, yeah.

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Back on the saddle when things didn't necessarily go as planned.

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And that is the case with me.

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So my last A1C update with you guys, I was at 7.5.

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I was really excited and proud of myself, honestly, because I worked

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really hard to get my A1C down now.

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Granted, it's not the best number, but it was the best A1C, honestly, that

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I've had since I've been diagnosed.

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And yes, it's a lot because I spent about two and a half years in denial

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and then trying to find my way and still had some crazy agencies, but I'm

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truly on track to getting that down.

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That being said this last round, I let a lot of things get in my way

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and I, you know, definitely did not.

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Do as good of a job with stress management as I, you know, in

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hindsight would've liked, but that's okay because I'm continuing to learn.

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I'm continuing to make shifts and pivots to ultimately get myself

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back to a controlled state.

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Because at some point I was right before I was diagnosed, I

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was in, you know, A1C was fine.

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Blood sugars are fine.

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So that is still the goal.

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Right.

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So my.

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Last A1C was 7.5.

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My current A1C is now at 8.3.

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So definitely some, some movement there.

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I'm glad it didn't shoot up too high.

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Cause I probably would have been really defeated, but definitely some work to do.

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And something else that came up in my, you know, most recent testing was that

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my bad cholesterol was a little elevated.

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You know, I don't.

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I tried to think about, you know, what have I been eating that would add to that?

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So I've been doing some research and trying to break down, you know,

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a lot of what I've been eating.

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I have been a little bit more cheese heavy.

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I don't recall if that AIDS to cholesterol.

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I know red meat does, but I don't eat red meat that often.

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So.

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I don't know, but I will be digging into that and trying to determine ways that

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I can just keep my cholesterol in check, because one thing that is, you know,

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a lot more prevalent, not only just.

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Based off of the American diet, but in general for a black woman,

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is that heart disease is a thing.

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And we're, you know, pretty, more likely to have it, or even just,

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you know, deal with a heart attack.

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So I don't want to just forget about all of my other functions, you

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know, on top of my diabetes, but I'm wanting to make sure that I protect

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my heart as well, because yeah.

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You know, without that diabetes is like nothing.

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Right.

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So A1C went up.

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Got a little bit higher, bad cholesterol levels than normal.

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They weren't super high, which, you know, makes me feel good about, at least that

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it wasn't like this crazy off the chart thing, but something I'm going to keep

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track of in order to ensure that I am not.

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So hyper-focused on one thing I forget about others.

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So yes, there's some disappointment and, you know, especially when you're

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running a business and podcasts, you know, based off of a diabetic

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lifestyle and things like that.

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It can feel really defeating when you have a moment where

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like, it doesn't seem like you're progressing, but I do feel that I am.

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And the fact that I'm learning a lot from it and so much has already changed,

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you know, while I was getting all that testing done and even up to now.

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So I feel really good about where I'm moving to and that I am finding not only

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a routine that works best for me, but a.

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Medical staff, honestly, to help me, I'm not just seeking the help of my

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primary care, which is what I was doing.

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I mainly was being managed by my primary care physician for my diabetes stuff.

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And I think that is something that I finally looked at that may

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need some addition, no support.

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So that means said along with my primary care, I actually saw a dietician.

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Now I don't have, I've never had an issue with nutritionists or

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dieticians and things like that.

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I did see one when I was first diagnosed, but she immediately went to just like,

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you can have things just carb count, you know, just take the bone off of,

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you know, one part of the button off of the burgers, things like that.

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And not to say that some of that doesn't make sense.

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It was just really difficult at that time when I was with somebody who ate anything

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and everything and it didn't phase it, it didn't, and wasn't considerate.

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You know about when he would buy food for the, both of us, that there were certain

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things that weren't the best choices for me, you know, it wasn't his diagnosis.

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Wasn't his concern.

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And eh, I will just say that's okay for where it is, but you know, I, I am now

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in a better place of thinking through.

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What other areas of support can I have, I can't just put all of this on one

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doctor, you know, and for a long time, you know, they're professionals that

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I never even considered because it was never brought up to me until I started,

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you know, speaking with others and the community and like finding out what

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they were doing and stuff like that.

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So I, I honestly.

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I scheduled my dietician appointment on a whim.

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Actually I was scheduling my labs to do my A1C and all that stuff like that.

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And I can't remember what it was.

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I was actually looking at the clinical chain, I guess you can call it for an

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endocrinologist, but the one in this particular chain doesn't treat diabetes.

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She's more for like pregnancy and stuff like that.

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Or like thyroid or something, you know, anyways.

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So.

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I think I saw an option to schedule with the dietician in the midst of

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like looking for a diabetic treating endocrinologist, if you will.

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And so I typically go for female doctors, no shade to male doctors.

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It's just hard wanting to be heard and not have a gender bias.

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Now hold, hold the phone on that.

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Okay.

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So I connected with a female dietician.

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And after I did my labs, she was able to see me like same day.

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So I did my labs and then like two hours later, I came back and I saw her and I

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did get a endocrinology referral for my doctor, but the clinic that it was at,

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they were out of my insurance network.

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And.

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I really just wasn't comfortable going out of network and paying out of pocket

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so much more because, you know, obviously these clinics don't advertise that.

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So when I reached back out to them, after they got the referral from my doctor

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and I was like, how much would it cost?

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Let's just say it, it wouldn't worth going because I would also

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have to pay for all, any labs and medication, everything afterwards.

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So I sought out a endocrinologist that was within my network and he is a male.

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And so I mainly.

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Was okay with going forward with him because he had a lot of great reviews.

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And so a lot of the comments that I read were like, he really listened.

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He, you know, explained everything to me.

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Well, when it came to my diabetes management, I felt like

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I could have a conversation.

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Blah, blah, blah.

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Good things.

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Okay.

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I'll take a chance.

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Now.

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I had to wait to hear back if they had an appointment available.

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So in the meantime I was seeing my dietician.

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Now the endocrinologist, I was mainly scheduling because I

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wanted a constant glucose monitor.

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But unfortunately when I reached out to my doctor, like, Hey, I was

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like, Hey, are you willing to write a prescription for me to get a CGM?

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Or do I need to go to an endocrinologist?

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And that's when she referred me out.

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So when I was waiting to hear back from the endocrinology appointment

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centers, if you will, I see this dietician and I bring her up to speed.

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You know, she's in the same clinic as my doctor, so she can use like a, my chart

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system so she can see all of my stuff.

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Right.

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And so I explained to her, like, eating is not the worst thing for

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me, honestly, like at home, I'm, I'm relatively a clean eater.

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Not that there's.

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Dirty eating or, you know, you know what I mean, guys?

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So I don't keep heavy carb stuff in the house because I know me, if I keep

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checking the house, I'm going to eat it.

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And I'm probably going to eat it all in one sitting.

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Cause that's just an area of self-control that I need to work on it.

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But since I know that about myself, I give myself small treats and

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then I, you know, rein in at home.

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So what I was really shocked at and appreciative of is she didn't

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go immediately into like, Okay, well, you need to count this

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many carbs, this kind of thing.

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I was like, I know that I need to have carb fat protein.

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I know that that trifecta is effective and I do my best to

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try to have all three, if I can.

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There's some struggles here and there, but I don't know what spiking me, you know,

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because this last round, I definitely noticed that my numbers in the mornings

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were higher Dawn phenomenon aside.

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And there's a whole episode where I talk about that more in detail, but.

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I was just having crazy morning numbers.

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And it got to a point where I started checking my blood sugar multiple times

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throughout the day, which is, wasn't what I was originally diagnosed to do.

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Right.

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But I just couldn't put my finger on it, on why I was

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experiencing these higher numbers.

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So she was like, well, do you have a CGM?

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I was like, well, I'm trying to get one through an endocrinologist, but I have to

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wait for them to confirm my appointment.

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And that's when she was like, Oh, I can give you one.

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And I'm like what I've been trying to get when I've, I've literally

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been emailing places, seeing if I can order it without a prescription.

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No, that checking my insurance, my insurance won't pay for it.

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So it was gonna be pretty expensive out of pocket.

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And she was like, no, I can give you the full starter kit with, you know,

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a sensor free sample essentially.

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And then we'll have, I can reach out to your doctor and have, you know, requests

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that she writes you a prescription based off of our conversation today.

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And I was so happy.

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Because I really do feel like I've learned so much more in the short time

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that I've been wearing my CGM than I ever have constantly pricking my finger.

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I love that.

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I can see if I'm trending up.

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You know, if I'm going to stay even for a little bit, if I'm going down

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from going really down, like, I love that there's alarms to let me

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know when I'm going to hire too low.

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It's just changed things so much.

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I've just feel very hyper aware, but not in a way that makes me paranoid.

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You know what I mean?

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I'm just like, I'm making more cognizant decisions because I

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actually like scanning myself.

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I'm like, Oh cool.

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There I am.

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You know, my numbers have been really good since I've been wearing it now.

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In the midst of the Texas freeze, I did run out of medication.

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So, you know, there was a piece of it that I recognized was not having my

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meds and having those higher numbers.

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But I went in to do my labs fasting and my glucose numbers were great,

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honestly, without my medication.

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So I know that it's possible.

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Right.

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So she gives me a CGM and I'm so happy.

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But I still decided that I was going to continue with the

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endocrinology appointments once they confirmed it, which they did.

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So again, this is my first time seeing one I know, or I feel like

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I've heard in the type one space, it's like an automatic that you're

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going to see an endocrinologist on top of your primary physician.

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Right.

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But it doesn't feel like that.

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Pushed for us to do in the type two space.

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At least for me, it wasn't.

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I was told about getting diabetes education, but

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nobody really kept up with me.

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I was given some pamphlets, so I guess it was up to me to schedule it.

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Not saying that your doctor should have to do that for you.

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Just for me, it was, it wasn't emphasized enough for me to honestly

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like get a clue and remember, but.

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At the time when I was diagnosed, I was severely in denial too.

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So I'm putting it all on human error on why didn't have a

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diabetes educator experience.

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Right.

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But it never was brought up.

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To talk to an endocrinologist until I asked my doctor about getting a CGM.

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So I find one, he has really good reviews.

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I go in and I tell him like off the top, like, yeah, pardon me coming in

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was to get a CGM, but my dietician was actually able to get me one.

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And so I give him the rundown of my history for the past couple of

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years, you know what medications I'm taking, that kind of thing.

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And.

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You know, what I liked is that he was very cheerful.

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He had a very common demeanor, you know, I, I felt comfortable essentially,

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as I was talking to him and I felt like he listened pretty decently.

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I did mention that, you know, I wasn't sure of what my ideal

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weight was because I recognize that does play somewhat of a role.

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But I think I might've opened up a can of worms because.

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Once we, I finished giving him the rundown, you know, because I

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brought up the ideal weight because I told him I was, you know, slowly

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getting back into the gym, trying to be careful of things, you know?

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Right.

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But I just don't know where I should be landing in terms of

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just, I am at a healthy place.

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I'm not trying to do this for vanity's sake.

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I just, this is a healthy weight for me.

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So what ended up.

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I didn't like the fact that that's what we spent most of the time talking about.

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He immediately was like, so based off of your, your height and

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your current weight, you, we need to drop about 30 to 40 pounds.

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And the rest of the time was spent talking about losing weight.

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And it is not that he didn't say things that weren't accurate or

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didn't make sense in the terms of.

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You know, because I have diabetes on both sides of the family.

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There's a genetic aspect.

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Totally agree.

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And the more body fat that you have on you, the more

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insulin resistance you become.

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I do understand that.

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I just wish the verbiage used was different and, you know, Everything

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underscore endocrine on Instagram.

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It's a New York endocrinologist.

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I really appreciate a lot of the statements that he's saying to his

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fellow colleagues, you know, other endocrinologists, but to medical staff in

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general of like leading everything with weight is so discouraging and can cause

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so many downward spirals for people.

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Because especially as a TA as honestly, any diabetic, no nos, I'll stick with it.

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Especially as a type two diabetic.

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The stigma with us is that we're typically overweight, obese, and we

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caused our diabetes by bad choices.

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I've actually heard that being said, like it's a series of bad choices and

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that's why you're a type two diabetic.

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Now I'm not saying that there isn't some truth to it for some people.

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Right.

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I don't feel like it's a good generalization to say that,

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Oh, you're type two diabetic you're type two diabetic.

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You caused it.

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No, no, that's not it at all.

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There's so many factors into why someone can develop diabetes.

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So please guys, please do not make this about people who are diabetic caused

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it, especially type two type ones.

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Definitely didn't ask for it.

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I'll tell you that right now, one is so many other types.

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There's so many things that factor into what could cause it sometimes

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it's the food that we're eating and, you know, not necessarily being

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educated properly on nutrition.

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There's so many things.

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So.

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I would have appreciated if fat is the issue, then let's talk

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about my body fat percentage.

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Okay.

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Hey, you're at this weight based off of this chart, which I know

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it's scientifically backed, but I just feel like how often

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are we checking this BMI chart?

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How often are we readjusting this, please?

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Somewhat honestly telling me, I mean, I feel like I'm going to

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Google this later still because.

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I've seen that chart for years and I've really, I don't think

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I've ever seen it change.

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I've known for awhile that I'm considered obese or, or slightly overweight

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I've of dance between those two.

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But I feel like it just places the wrong perception that if you're

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this ideal number, that that means everything is going to be okay.

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And that is not the case at all.

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I've definitely know some skinny people were type two diabetics.

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So I really feel like we need to challenge the body mass index system and update

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it because I definitely know some people who look obese and they have clean bills

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of health, that doesn't make sense.

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So I don't really appreciate that.

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He utilized the BMI chart to determine that I needed to lose 40 pounds, I think.

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Had he been like, okay, let's look at your, let's calculate

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your body fat percentage.

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Okay.

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You're at about, I'm just picking a number.

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I'm a S I.

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I think the last time I checked is like 32% or something like that.

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I'd like to see you down to 20% and then slowly go down from there.

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Right.

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I don't know.

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I just felt like that would have been a bit more receptive for me

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because as he's saying this, I just go into this downward spiral of yet

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again, something else telling me I'm too fat and I'm not good enough.

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Now I get, that's the story that I'm telling myself and not actually

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what's coming out of his mouth, but.

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I have a lot of emotional trauma surrounding my weight.

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And I've taken a lot of time to even just be comfortable with where I'm at now.

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And, you know, there've been some moments with my partner where

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I'm just like, I'm frustrated because you know, dude is ripped.

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Right.

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And not that he judges me at all or anything like that.

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In fact, I think I make up more judgments of what I think he

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thinks of me than he actually does.

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I don't know.

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But it's one of those things that.

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You know, when you're surrounded by the stigma of being the cute,

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petite, skinny, white girl.

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Which is what's pretty much blasted around all the time.

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At least when I was growing up to now, okay, it's cool to be curvy, but

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we're going to take a lot of features of black women and project them onto

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white women and say, that's the ideal.

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You're still, you know, white with silky straight hair and, you know, big

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boobs, big, but then ways, whatever.

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And now that is added on top of that.

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And I'm like, these are features we've been having.

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So now why is that suddenly appropriate when it's on a white woman, just stating

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facts here, or ma my opinion here.

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And we'll say that I'm just stating what, what has been seen, what is out there?

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It feels like fact for me, because people aren't paying attention to that,

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that all now suddenly the curvy white woman is okay, but black women are

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still, you know, and other women of color too are still kind of left out.

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So to go in this with the weight thing, I'm looking at from a racial

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standpoint from just being a woman in general standpoint, from the

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societal programming standpoint.

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Now from a medical standpoint that I'm too fat and I'm not good enough.

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And I just feel like there just ways to talk through this, it is not that

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I don't agree that we can play a significant role in any type of illness.

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Sometimes it is truly the factor in any type of illness.

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However, when you present to me that fat is the thing that is.

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Causing additional insulin resistance for me, I think there's room to adjust

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our verbiage to say, we need to look at how we can reduce the amount of fat

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on your body, your body fat percentage.

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We need to try to take down to a healthier space.

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I don't necessarily need you to focus exactly on the number on the scale.

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The number on the scale we'll adjust accordingly.

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But I do feel like if we get into a plan that is.

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More.

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So trying to get some of this excess fat off of your body, it'll

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help with your insulin resistance.

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You'll start absorbing it better into your system.

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If you lose weight.

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That's cool.

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It's only going to further help, you know, because it's not putting so much

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emphasis on your other organs, so they're not having to work overtime to keep up.

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I really hate how well I'm at, you know, how good I am at

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rephrasing things for other people.

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So it doesn't come off like a shitty kind of response.

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You're too fat, you know, it's not that we don't already know this either.

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Like you think, I don't know that I'm not necessarily in the best shape of my life.

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I'm not going to say that I'm too anything.

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I know that I'm not in the best shape.

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I know that, but I don't think weighing 130 to 140 pounds is it?

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I haven't been that size since junior high, high school.

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And I wasn't a fully developed woman then.

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So, I don't know what ideal, healthy weight for tailored.

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It looks like in my mind, it's like one 50, one 60.

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Right.

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But again, these are just numbers and we're not looking at other variables.

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So it was a little off-putting max got really emotional when I went home

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afterwards, because I'm just wrestling with like, do I really just resist

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this because this feels wrong or is it just cause something with myself?

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I don't know.

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I just went into a very emotional spiral add to that.

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He, he advised me to start carb counting, which no.

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Like he said, I want you to download a car managing app.

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I have the paper prove it.

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I'll take a picture.

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I want you to download a cart managing app, and I want you

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to account counting carbs.

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And that's what I did speak up for myself.

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I said, doc, listen, not going to happen.

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Been there, done that.

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I've had simple.

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I've had a cart manager.

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I've had my fitness pal.

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I do not do well with food logging because nowadays I cook with a lot of raw foods.

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And they're not always bagged and it's guessing the proportions is off.

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Cause I'm still trying to learn what the right proportions are.

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It's just overwhelming.

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And I, I fizzle out and I can't, I I've found a way around mentally being

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over to overcome my food battles.

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So that way I know I'm not overdoing it, but I'm still getting what I need.

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And so I'm like, I don't know how I feel about that.

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That's just not.

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That it's just, it just hasn't worked in the past and his rebuttal was, you

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know, I totally understand, but I'm not saying you have to log everything.

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Cause I told him, I was like, I have to log shit about

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myself all the time already.

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I can't handle another thing.

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He's like, I'm not trying to get you to log in.

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I'm just trying to get you to get used to, you know, how much of,

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what that you're actually consuming.

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And he's like, sometimes that's just what you have to do until you build the habit.

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Hmm, starting out as diabetic maybe.

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And that's a big maybe, but this isn't news to me.

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I know that carbs can be a lot.

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It doesn't mean that I'm over here going overboard with it.

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Right.

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So that threw me off and he told me to do 30, 30 grams of carbs per meal.

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And that I needed to eat three times a day because one thing that did

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come up is how often am I eating now?

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I will agree.

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I do not eat enough.

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I don't, I easily can go, you know, a whole day and only eat once.

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You know, so two was about average, but breakfast is one of the meals

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that I struggled the most with.

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And what I really did appreciate is that he gave me permission

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for it to not be a full on meal.

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It was like, I, you don't need to have a full blown thing.

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Just even if it's something like just, you need to get something in your system, you

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know, if it's coffee and, and you know, an Apple or something like, you know,

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that's okay, you just need something.

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So.

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That is something I'm going to be working on because I'm up so early.

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I was avoiding eating breakfast because I didn't want to check and

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it'd be skyrocketed because I ate.

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You know, so I do recognize that.

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And again, with now having a CGM, I feel a lot more comfortable

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with it, but I'm up at 5:00 AM.

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And like from 5:00 AM to like nine is my time.

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And I'm usually trying to like journal, you know, gym is, is the ideal.

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I try to get it out in the morning and then, you know, my shower meditating,

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all this stuff, getting ready for the day and then I'll have breakfast.

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You know, I've tried to not have breakfast when I'm starting work.

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Like give myself 30 minutes to just sit and enjoy it.

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And.

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Taken that I'm having it and then jump into work and then pulling myself away,

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being able to actually break and have lunch and again, not be super distracted

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and then same thing with dinner.

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So, you know, I do agree with that.

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And he also told me that I needed to do cardio 30 minutes of just some

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elevated heart rate thing, which I have heard from another diabetic friend,

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30 minutes, four to five times a week.

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I only have struggles with that simply because getting to the gym in

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general is typically difficult for me.

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Part of it is just everything's in the house.

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And so leaving my house feels weird now, and I don't want to make my

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house, my gym, my house is already everything like literally everything.

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And it's.

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Just adding Jim to it or, you know, whatever.

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It's just, it's difficult on top of that, I'm on the third floor.

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So I get, I'm mindful.

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I'm in an old complex too.

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So it's like the should is thin.

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Right?

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So jumping and doing all this craziness is hard for me now.

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I will say.

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That if I did and could fit a treadmill or even like, like

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a Peloton bike or something up here, I would, I absolutely would.

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And I feel like I would use it, but I don't have space.

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I really don't.

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And I am trying my best to, you know, just push myself to get out of the house.

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And go for a walk and, you know, go to the gym, things like that.

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And that's just the battle of, Ooh, this bed is comfortable asleep.

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Yay.

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You know, that that's really what I'm, I'm struggling with.

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I'm doing better, but tearing myself away, getting down those three flights

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of stairs, taking my dogs with me because they're super annoying when I

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don't and getting some more movement, some more joyful movement, you know?

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Cause when they're, the weather has been beautiful ever

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since the stupid freeze and.

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I used to go on walks around the office building, you know, when

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I was working from an office.

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And so now that I'm, my office is at home.

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I have to retrain myself in a way to do the things that I was doing when I

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was physically going into an office.

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I would like a physical office, like going to like a workspace if I could afford it.

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I really would.

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I absolutely would because it's not that I demand work from home.

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I just would like the choice.

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And I think that's what companies are missing out on

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is just give people the choice.

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I would gladly come into the office two times a week, for sure.

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I would, you know, I just want the choice that it's not mandatory for me

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to do either I can do one or the other, you know, on days when it feels best.

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So I'm supposed to drop 40 pounds.

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I'm supposed to carb count.

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I'm supposed to do more cardio.

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The last thing that happened that.

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It feels weird, but only because I, I guess I imagine that my doctors

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would kind of talk to each other.

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I don't know, but he actually scrapped my entire medicine

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regimen and has given me a new one.

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So I was currently taking the combo glass extended release to

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Metformin combo drug, essentially along with extended release design.

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Now I will say my dietician also stated that she wanted me off glipizide

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apparently tends to cause weight gain.

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I don't.

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I don't feel like I've had that issue with glipizide.

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I don't know it does lower your blood sugar, but sometimes it can be too much.

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I don't know.

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But apparently according to my endocrinologist, it's an older drug

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and it's not really used a lot, but I will say, I bet at groups that I'm in,

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people are still being prescribed it.

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So, you know, his, his stance was like, there's just a lot

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more better options out there.

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You know?

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So now he's putting me on, Oh, what's it called?

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Sin.

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Sent Giardia or something like that.

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And , which is the weekly shop, which freaks me out a little bit.

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I think what makes me feel weird about this medication regimen is not only

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does it help with lowering your A1C, but they both also emphasize weight loss.

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I need to drop 40 pounds.

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Right.

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So it's just like the shot does scare me a little bit.

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And it's just because I have this kind of built up stigma in my

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mind that once you have to start injecting yourself, like you failed.

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And I know that that's wrong.

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My type one, you know, folks do it so often they can do it in their sleep.

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They can do it while they drive like all kinds of things.

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I think just for me, it's been built in that having to give yourself

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a shot feels like you've lost.

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You know what I mean?

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It feels like a progression versus, you know, pulling back.

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Now, my dad is on Trulicity, so.

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But he's also on insulin too, but I get it.

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Like I get that this, you know, it's a once a week it's meant to help lower

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your A1C and, you know, drop some weight.

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And I think if I remember correctly, he told me that once he had that combo,

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he actually had to take less insulin.

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So I will say it just felt weird.

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And like, should I tell my doctor that I'm scrapping all of this and I

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just paid like 80, some odd dollars for three months worth of medication.

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I'll just chop it up to, I've got some extra, if.

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I forgive my pants or something.

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I don't know because it is what it is.

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Okay.

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Like, I just wasn't prepared for that, but he was like, not necessarily,

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there's kind of an understanding of the medical community that we're

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specialists in treating diabetes.

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And so now that we're working together, like I'm kind of

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taking over your treatment, your primary doesn't have to anymore.

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So I'm like, okay, I can get with that, but the shot freaking out now he did show

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me, you know, and, and the, the needle was pretty, very small and it's just long.

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It just, I got to step my stomach and I just feel strange about that.

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You know, it's just something new.

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I know I got it.

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12 tattoos and I'm freaking out over a needle.

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I know.

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So I think the bigger thing is that it's just the emphasis on weight loss,

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which is adds to this, like having to fight my insecurities about my weight,

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but it does feel a weird, like now I got to tell my doctor or my dietician,

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so he just scrapped all my medication.

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You know, I'm still gonna do it because I, you know, feel like I should give

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it a fair chance and see how I feel.

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It'll take me from down from taking three pills a day to just

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one and then a once a week shot.

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So I'm going to give it a go.

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We'll see how it goes.

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And I'll keep you guys posted on, on, you know, what that's going to be like.

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So in terms of moving forward, like I said, I'm still gonna

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follow this medication routine.

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I am going to try to be more consistent about getting into it.

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I'm not gonna try.

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I'm going to be more consistent about getting into the gym or movement

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of some sort, just, you know, going and walking down the street and back

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one of my good friends, we went to like a five mile walk where we were

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a little, just like walking around.

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We went to one store to another store, to another store and then walked back to

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her apartment and it was like five miles.

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So I, I need to start implementing that.

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There's Walgreens down the street for me, you know, that kind of thing.

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So I feel like I can just start walking to do those things and then.

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I am considering seeking a second opinion with an endocrinologist.

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Wait until I see him again.

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And I want to have this conversation of like, how it made me feel and

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some of my reservations with it because I spoke up a little bit, but

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I don't feel like I spoke up enough.

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Right.

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And posing, can we, can we talk more about body fat percentage

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than actual like a scale number?

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Cause those are different, you know, I'm definitely gonna let my

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dietician know about the conversation and, you know, get her take on it

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and just kind of go from there.

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Cause I also see her in a month and about the same time that I would see him and

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then, you know, my CGM has really been, I feel like it's been super beneficial

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to me since I've had it, even though it's been a short amount of time.

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So.

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It's really helping me to adjust my eating.

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It's really helping me to like, check like, Oh, I think I got to maybe one 64

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or something like that the other day.

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And I was like, what did I have?

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And I'm like, Oh, okay.

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That makes sense.

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Okay, I'll cut this part or I'll separate them, you know, we'll

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have them all at the same time.

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And then, you know, I just need to find something that

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doesn't feel like working out.

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You know, I need to find something to just help me get moving again.

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That doesn't feel like working out.

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I mean, I will say I came from a place of, you know, I used to do team sports.

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And then when I got into college, I did, you know, dancing and stepping

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and those things I enjoyed and I got an semi obligatorily workout in.

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Right.

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I was supposed to, I, I had thought about joining a soccer league probably about

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two years ago with some friends of mine.

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I just felt like I couldn't commit to it, you know, and I

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have random forever my knee.

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I just, every excuse in the book.

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So.

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Now with the pandemic stuff going on, it's a little strange, but I feel

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like I might need to find something to get into that will help me with that.

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You know, my partner does pool league, which is cool.

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Scientists need to find something that gets me up and moving, but

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it doesn't feel like I'm having to do, you know, this crazy thing.

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Maybe I'll do like a walking club or something.

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I don't know.

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So yeah.

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That's pretty much.

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It that's pretty much all I got.

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I think that's the gist of it is just wanting to embrace what I'm being told

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and, you know, adjust to how best suits me, but really moving forward and finding

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ways to just continue to fine tune.

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And you know, this opportunity with different medication can possibly

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be my way of eventually coming off.

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Right.

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So.

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I'm going to take it in stride.

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I'm going to be optimistic as much as possible with it.

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You know, I'm still having to deal with my insecurities with my body and, you

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know, wanting to just accept it as it is, but I want to make it better too, when a

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sense of just optimizing it being healthy.

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So I'm trying to give myself grace and space to just feel through

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this, but try to look at it from an optimistic, optimistic lens of it's

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not the end of the world, you know?

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Not to be so upset in the insensitivities now he spoke to it and to voice that,

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you know, those concerns when I see him again, and from that conversation,

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I feel like that will let me know if I need to see somebody else, you know, so.

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Yeah, that's all I got at least this round.

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I'm really glad to be back with you guys.

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I feel like this season has so much in store and it's going to bring so many

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perspectives to the table and we're going to talk about a lot of great stuff

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and just continuing to navigate and live the best way possible with this

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condition and the healthiest way possible.

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So thank you guys for being here for watching, for listening for,

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you know, Sharing with their friends and family and joining this

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crazy roller coaster of a ride.

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That is my life.

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I will see you guys next time.

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I remember Tuesdays and Thursdays, you will be hearing from me Tuesdays.

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Just me.

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Thursdays is going to be me and a friend.

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So yeah, I think that's it.

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I'll catch you guys next time.

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I really hope that you enjoy this episode.

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And I just feel like, you know, I know there's so many of us out

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there that struggle with trying to just stay on track with things.

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And sometimes we get knocked off and we just got to get

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back up and keep going at it.

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So that being said, you know, Please, please, please remember

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that everything that I am sharing is from my personal experience.

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None of this is medical advice.

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None of this is meant for you to take to heart by all means.

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Never do anything without speaking with your medical professional team,

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always do your research and make the best decisions that fit you.

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What I do may not work for you, but do what's best for you.

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This is just general information, personal opinion.

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This is not medical advice.

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Okay.

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So thank you again for watching and I'll see you coming up next

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time on healing in hindsight.

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Don't know, cause we're just making up stuff in our heads.

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We make up that this is going to be the end, but.

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Could we make up that this is only the beginning or that there's something

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great for us happening on the other side of that, but as it pertains to

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food and falling off track and just to go a little bit deeper into that

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is the number one thing I always say is have compassion for yourself, for

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your body in the present moment of where you've said right here right now,