Healing your spirit to heal your body

What's up everybody.

Welcome back to another episode of healing in hindsight, your no source for thriving

with diabetes, Taylor, Danielle here, hope you guys are having a good week.

And on this episode of hindsight, thoughts, I really want to talk

about spiritual healing and I mean, spiritual healing in, in terms of

healing, your spirit to heal your body.

And so, It's something that has been really deep on my mind and on my heart,

especially after this past year with the pandemic and everybody kind of just having

a big collective universal situ as down, that's kind of how I think about the

last year is just go sit down somewhere, go learn how to be with yourself.

Go deal with all of the inner demons and things that are plaguing

your mind, your soul, whatever.

Go.

Deal with your shit.

Okay.

So it led me down this path of really understanding the connection

between the mind spirit and body and how the body is so affected by.

A lot of things, from environmental effects to, soul

effects to mental effects.

And it's so connected that it can have such, deep changes in that.

And I feel like last week's episode with Ryan and Lauren from

the dope shit, my therapist says podcasts really highlighted that.

So I really wanted to just dig a little bit deeper and give kind of my personal

insights on that, because I think it's important to understand whether you are a.

Believer in God or not, that there is something bigger and deeper within us.

That is a moving force.

And by working with it, we're able to make really big shifts

and changes in our actual physical vessel that we've been given.

So let's get into it.

I'll be back with more.

Alrighty.

So healing your spirit in order to heal your body.

It is, I know a interesting topic and in some forms can be a controversial topic.

But.

I wanted to just give my perspective on how it has been for me and, kind

of the flow that I went through that I feel like is gotten me on

a path to truly having this deep semiotic connection with my body.

And I feel like I'm seeing.

No, not, I feel like I am seeing results of just this

flow through life with my body.

And it really being in the same rhythm that, mentally and spiritually I'm in.

So the first thing that kind of came to mind with this idea is just connecting.

With my higher self in general being able to tap into that part

of myself and then being able to do some deep work, to recognize areas

that either need to be healed or that I need some additional support.

And then eventually coming to this wholeness of trusting myself

in a higher, more spiritual way.

So.

Connecting with my higher self or my spiritual self, if you will,

has shown up in different ways.

It has been through prayer and meditation.

It has been through doing deep work and a sense of, journaling visualizations.

It has been through connecting with healers and readers of being

able to tap into, the different energies, things like that.

And I get it.

All of that sounds super.

Woo woo.

So that's not your thing.

Look at it as what's the vibe, whenever you sit or you go somewhere, like you

ever just noticed this spidey sense, like vibe going on, like something's off,

something's weird and it's basically.

Conditioning yourself to tap into that more.

So that's what I kind of started with.

I've always had a deeper sense of things.

I do consider myself an empath but I never really turned it on myself.

I pick up on other people versus myself.

So I went through the traditional route of meditation and I am in no way.

Perfect meditating.

Y'all when they say your thoughts wander off.

They wander off and it so my, my imagery and my imagination is so big that I

literally will imagine, especially if I'm doing like guided meditations with it,

like, just let your thoughts wander off.

I've literally created a character in my mind.

That's like doing these crazy, like video transitions, like white

boards carrying down the scenes.

That way I can just like, not think right.

If anybody has ever seen the comedy sketch show cake on Hulu they do a yoga like skit

with this chick that perfectly depicts, or like she's trying to get in flow.

She's trying to get in flow.

She's trying to get in flow.

And then at the very last minute she does when the class is over.

So it's kind of like that for me, but I kept doing it because

I started to recognize the thoughts that were coming in.

And I didn't react to them.

It was just the, the act of acknowledging them and then letting them slip away.

And then I started to play around with other forms of meditation and a sense of,

yes, I do feel like there is a place for traditional meditation and the people who

are dumb, disciplined in it are goals.

Right.

But.

It doesn't have to be traditional.

It can be whatever, just allows your thoughts to fall away.

Whatever allows your mind to just completely go at ease.

That is not distracting.

And for me, that's music with no words.

I actually tried out the app and Dell, where they kind of tune into

these different frequencies based off of your location and your birthday

and all these different things.

And I felt like it was really helpful to just sit and kind of just tune in to

the different noises that I was hearing.

And it, it made me.

Kind of disappear into myself and different tones and frequency started

to bubble up thoughts and feelings that I didn't even know that I had.

The other type of meditation that I like are like guided visualizations.

I did one in a workshop for self care society with Danica Bresha and it's one

of my favorite ones that we've done.

And I literally have it on repeat when I can, go back and rewatch it.

And it's where she kind of guides you through what your future self

is doing from the moment that you wake up, all the way to like,

getting started with your day and.

I'll even use that as a journal prompt sometimes, but for the most part, seeing

my ideal self or my ideal life has been really telling to where I'm at right

now, because in doing those meditations where, What does your hair look like?

What does your body feel like?

And you're so deeply in love with your body.

You were so happy with it.

You are, able to do all these things.

What is your, your bank account look like?

What is your, what's your first meeting for the day?

What is your house look like?

All of these things, it started to bring out in me a, there was

a lot of superficial stuff that.

I thought I wanted, but I didn't,

like, I thought that I wanted this huge, crazy house with, all

of these crazy amenity rooms.

That's what I'm gonna call them.

Amenity rooms like, Oh, there's a theater here and there's this air.

And all these things.

And I realized, no.

I really don't want that.

I started playing around with, with an app that allows you to kind of

sketch out what you would want in a, in a house or a place or whatever.

And.

I realized that the home that I want, one is going to be extremely unique, right?

It is not going to be the cookie cutter traditional house, which I

had been looking at here in Austin for not only just buying my first

house in general, but for investment, property purposes, things like that.

And the more I looked at him, the more of like, Oh, I could

have this here and not here.

I'm just like, this is not.

Personally, what I want to live in, what I want is space, but I don't need

it in a sense of like this huge house.

I want land, I want connection to earth.

I want to have, a place where it's almost like the outside and inside are kind of

intertwining, because that feels right.

And so.

It started to really open up a lot of things that I felt within myself

that I realized were products of other people's projections on me.

I don't think I would've gotten to that with just mindset work.

Right, because there's something about what your mind wants and sees,

and the mind can be tricked, right?

Because it has all of these senses to give it information, right.

And when you have all of this information coming in, it can be overwhelming.

It's so easy to trick the eye, that you have to consciously be

aware that that's not what it is.

VR is a great example of that.

Having my Oculus has been a great escape, but I'm constantly

having to remind myself.

That this is not real, but it feels so real just because I'm looking at it.

And it's crazy that no matter which way I turn, I'm seeing, this thing

and it isn't until I physically pull off the headset that it's like,

Oh yeah, I'm in my living room.

Sorry I have this like hair that keeps poking me in my eye.

So connecting with your soul, it's a deeper feeling.

And.

I wish there was a better way that I can describe it for you, but it's like,

it's kind of almost shedding all of those senses in a way, and really just

tuning into what is it that is causing your soul to just kind of rise a bit.

I get like this warming kind of.

Sensation and, and like kind of my belly, but like right.

Between the chest and the belly, I, it starts to warm almost like that, kind

of butterfly, like feeling like of like, Oh man, I don't know what this is, but

you know, it doesn't feel scary, but it doesn't feel exactly exciting either.

It's just like, you can't place it.

You can't place it.

You just feel this thing.

So I started doing more exercises that bring that out and.

Recognizing what that feeling is.

And that feeling for me is, is my, my spirit, like telling me whatever this

is, you need to go for it, whatever this is, this is, this is right in the,

the more it amplifies, the more I know I'm heading in the right direction.

So connecting with your higher self can be.

Trying to find the right word, Joe, I'm sorry.

It, it just it's, it's something about it that starts to have

everything else makes sense.

And again, I've had different moments throughout my life where I've had it.

I was just so drowned out by my mental state and all the noise up there

that I couldn't which is why I had to do a lot of mindset work before

I even could connect with my spirit.

Right.

But once I started doing these exercises that.

Asked me to be, have deeper feelings about what does this look like for you?

What does this feel like for you?

Because that's how the visual is connected.

If I couldn't feel it, I was like, no, this isn't what I want, because

I used to visualize crazy house and cars and, lavish luxury things.

And it's not that I don't want nice things.

It's just different because of how I feel.

And now luxury looks like for me, Not having to worry about a price tag,

not having to go into a boutique and thinking about, Oh, can I afford this?

Right?

Not that I need all this stuff, I'm totally fine with just a few pieces.

That's why I took a whole year off from buying more makeup and clothes because

I recognize I didn't need more of it.

I didn't.

Right.

So doing these exercises to connect with my herself.

Started to help me recognize wounds, helped me to recognize

areas of like scarcity for me.

And it started me on a path to connect with my body in such a deep way that my

goals with my body are no longer vain.

If you were to see my old Instagram, which I won't share this handle

because it's, it's very personal.

But everything that I followed on it was shopping stuff was fitness stuff.

But these models with bodies that there's no way I would have to

literally get crazy amounts of surgery to actually meet this physical look.

Right.

It was.

Fast paced lifestyle.

It was partying.

It was, look at me, I've got all this money, I've got all this stuff.

And I realized how much that played a role on me down to my money.

Y'all have, I'm constantly spamming myself with stuff that says that I need to keep

buying this to make myself feel good.

And I was doing it.

I was, I was doing it.

I was constantly filling the void with stuff.

If I buy these clothes, then I'll have this look and then I'll be appreciated

because I've got this physical look when I can buy the clothes all day long, but it's

really the person who's wearing them, who has the shape and all of these things that

I'm more so having a deeper longing for.

So when I recognize these deeper wounds of spiritual emptiness, I knew.

I was like, okay, I have got to come to terms with this.

And so I'll save, I'll save you the long-winded version of that.

And just go in short that, I sought out a sensuality coach to not only

connect with my body in terms of like intimacy and being able to

feel deeply with my partner, but.

I did it more so for myself.

And I told him that when I was seeking this, because, there were definitely some

issues that I had with just intimacy with men in general, but even more so with

myself, I had such a lack of confidence in myself, such a deep self-esteem hole

in my heart of I'm not pretty enough.

I'm not physically this enough.

I am in a world that.

Condemns my heritage in a way and makes it seem like my heritage is

less than others, all of these things.

And I had to take time to love me.

I had to literally just date me in the midst of being with someone

else, but he was totally on board.

He understood that.

I had to take time to myself.

I had to learn to just be with myself.

I had to learn to appreciate my body and, and all of the things that I have

to offer in terms of service to others.

Right.

And so there were moments of deep tears of feeling like, Oh my God, I cannot

believe that I hated myself so much.

Because I thought that if I wasn't doing these things, I wasn't worthy.

And yes, the era of social media, the era of social media does play a huge role.

And since then, I don't really go to that Instagram account very much.

And when I do it's to check up on, and see the good things that are happening

with my friends and I've been followed so many accounts that when I look at it

that warm, weird, Feeling isn't there.

And that tells me, okay, this doesn't serve me.

This doesn't make me feel good about myself.

So I connected with my higher self.

I recognized some very deep spiritual wounds.

I sought help through, not only my sensuality coach, but even in therapy.

I brought up to my therapist how I felt, and we worked through a lot of those

feelings and those thoughts and, she was kind of even like my hype manager

of like, you really are a good person.

You really are.

You're such an energetic being, and I couldn't connect with it for a while

because I'm like, I don't feel that.

I don't see that.

I don't get how this is what you get from me.

Because I present something to you and it made me even have to realize,

what am I presenting to my therapist?

Am I faking it?

Yeah.

With my therapist.

I know I'm not alone in that.

Because you want to come across.

Okay.

And it wasn't until I started really saying the things that were on my

heart, part of that was not talking about my relationship in therapy.

So for those of us who have partners, sometimes it's what we have to do is.

I don't want to talk about my partner at all right now.

Cause there was a time where that's all we talked about and it's because

I did not want to talk about myself.

I wanted to talk about the things with myself that I felt were

making our partnership strained.

But reality was, is that anything to.

Be in service of others I'm willing to do, but being in service to myself

is so hard and I had to face that.

So after having that connection, recognizing those wounds

and then getting support.

In whatever area that looked like.

That's when I started trusting myself, that's when I, when I started having

that feeling, I knew that I was heading in the right direction of things.

It happened with this show.

Every time I talked about the idea of starting the show, it just, it just,

it was almost unbearable, in a good, in a good way, but like, I knew I

was heading in the right direction.

I have a couple of other things lined up that I would really like to do and put

out in the world in service of others.

And every time I talk about it, I'm like, this is right.

I have to keep making steps towards this.

I have to keep doing whatever this is in order to get me there,

because it's what I'm meant to do.

And so that's, what's led to a deeper healing of my body because.

Y'all I was not taking care of myself.

The first two, two and a half years of my diagnosis.

I was in a really bad place in my relationship at the time.

And I've said this before, but I'll say it again because I always have a

feeling that one day he might listen.

One day, he might find out about the show and, listen to it.

And, I never want anybody that I've ever been involved with, whether that

is in a relationship, romantically business, whatever, to feel like.

I think anything bad about them.

But we were in a toxic relationship.

We are not bad people.

He is not a bad person by any means.

We were just not good for each other.

And a big part of that is because we both have.

Things that we needed to figure out for ourselves.

And I got into my relationship with my current partner and,

we've talked about this too.

I didn't really give myself a break any time to breathe any time to just be me.

I just went full head on into this relationship because we've

known each other for so long.

We wanted to date and, see what life would be like together.

We were in separate States.

So that was kind of a big part of it.

But it only just amplify the fact that we individually needed to do

a lot of work on ourselves if we wanted our relationship to survive.

And so it is led me on this huge charge.

To be more thoughtful about my body.

I don't keep a lot of junk in the house.

My numbers have been the best that they've ever been in the almost six

years that I've been a diabetic.

And it's because I started to surround myself with things

subconsciously directly.

That pushes me to.

Make the best decisions for myself, no matter what, I still have fun.

I still drink.

I still have cake and ice cream and burgers.

I love burgers.

I love nachos even more.

Like I still have all these things, but I am not doing it

to a level that makes me sick.

That makes me feel like shit.

When I wake up the next morning and braid myself for.

Having a snack or having pizza or having whatever, going out with my friends.

Like I, I am so beyond that.

And I love myself so deeply because I went through all of this inner

work with my soul to ensure that I know myself through and through now.

I am in no means complete.

I am in no means I've crossed the finish line, done.

It is an ever evolving relationship with yourself.

Right.

You just keep leveling up, it's just like the video games that I play, you might

finish the storyline and you might reach a certain level within the storyline,

but then there's like, Oh, well, you can level up this area even more.

You can level up your gear, you can level up this, oh, well now we've got seasons.

So, you're, we'll continue to up the caps because there's always something to do.

Right.

So I really wanted to just share that with you guys, because I feel like

in this journey with our bodies that are doing things that we don't want

it to do, I don't, I don't want it to be a struggle for my body to take in.

Glucose and use it for energy that it needs.

I don't want it to over tire itself because there's so much glucose in my

system that it's having to overclock on creating insulin to get it, to use it.

But my cells are like, nah, I'm too tired.

I'm not taking that in.

Right.

I don't want that at all.

But it is through this understanding and appreciation of who I am and

recognizing these deeper wounds within myself that now I am.

I'm so much more gentler with myself.

Is that word I'm way more gentle with myself.

There it is that I feel like everything that I'm doing is working

and yes, I'm using medication to get there and that's totally okay.

But.

I feel like I'm just in this beautiful synchronicity with myself.

My mind is right.

My, my spirit is right and now my body is falling in line with it because I

recognize that the areas and things that I needed to adjust that I needed to heal

and that I needed to come to terms with in order to do the right things by my body.

And so it's.

It's such a beautiful feeling to be at home with yourself.

And to really know that even though I have flaws, even though yeah.

What I like my stomach to be a little more snatched, do I care for the fact

that, when I my arms, I got these like chicken wing, like things, are there

things that I would like to improve?

Sure.

But I don't care what other people think anymore.

I, I really don't.

I would rather do what's best for my body internally.

And if the results that my waste gets a little bit more snatched

that I gained a bit more muscle.

So my arm wings are, way more tight.

Cool.

But me right now is bomb as fuck.

And I'm cool with that.

And.

Somebody loves all of that.

And I have plenty of friends and family who appreciate me, right where

I'm at, because if I don't learn how to appreciate myself, right.

Where I'm at, I will have no clue what the hell to do with myself.

If I were to be what, how many, I can't even call it anymore

because it's so, it's so beyond me.

But if I were to be that image that I had of myself, of this super

snatch, Instagram model thing.

Yeah.

I couldn't handle that.

I don't, I don't, I don't know ladies, if y'all joke out there where like,

maybe certain physical assets that are oversexualized, didn't develop, like

I'm not top heavy, I'm bottom heavy.

And I know people who are top heavy and I bought them heavy.

And, I know people who don't really have either, and we joke all the time

about, there's a reason why God didn't give me both because I'd been in.

I'd been a full run around these streets, acting crazy because I

would be solely, deeply about vanity.

And it's crazy when I see, other women and, they're doing all of these things

for the attention of their bodies.

And you can tell that it's empty.

Because I can tell the difference between a woman who is just, I wholeheartedly

appreciate my physical being and I don't care what other people think.

So if I want to show it off, I'm going to show it off more fucking

power to you, girl, like 100, get your money, but you can't just tell

when somebody is like, I'm doing this solely because I want the attention.

And the attention is the only thing that is keeping me from acknowledging myself

inside, because I don't want to do that.

And those are the kind of people in accounts that I have to keep out

of my feed, that I have to keep out of my life because it is projecting

an ideal that's unrealistic.

So those are my thoughts and that truly doing some deep

spiritual work and healing.

All of those spiritual wounds truly will lead to.

A better body and better health because better on a soul level.

Right.

Cause there's one thing that know better in your mind, but you're so, still

tied deep down that you, you, you just find it so hard to make the decisions,

but when you get your mind, right.

And then you get your soul, right?

Like your body is it's easy.

Right.

It's easy.

Even if I don't do everything exactly.

Right.

Cause I'm not perfect.

I don't work out every day, but I don't feel myself in a way that I

feel like I need to work that off.

And I don't even feel like that anymore.

Right.

I just feel like, okay, today I needed to get some work done.

Okay.

You know what.

Tomorrow we'll, we'll get some sunshine.

We'll, we'll make sure that we get some movement in, I don't feel bad.

I don't beat myself up for it.

Do I have goals?

Sure, sure.

I do.

I definitely want to get some, some strength back in, but I'm not going

to sit here and hate myself right now because I'm not where I want to be later.

So I hope that resonated with somebody.

Thank you once again for your time for your energy.

I am truly, truly grateful for each and every person that supports

the show that keeps, liking, subscribing, commenting, whatever.

If you truly want to support me and everything that healing in hindsight

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check the link in the show notes.

I'm truly thankful for each and every person that tunes in every week.

And I'm excited for this week's guest.

It is such a wealth of information y'all I cannot.

I go back and I'm still mind blown.

But it is with the awesome Kylie from my life with Modi.

And if you don't know what Modi is, you're about to find out because

it is such an interesting thing.

And I appreciate Carly so much for just dropping so much education

for us and the diabetic community, because no diabetic is the same.

So tune in Thursday for that episode, really excited for it.

But until then, I'll catch you guys next time.